Updated: Jul 21, 2021
"Wait, I'm being fired because I'm not humble enough?" The last sentence I would remember saying, just before walking out the door with my balls still intact and my integrity standing strong. They tried paying me off and asking me to sign an NDA, my hands left with a tight grip around my unsigned document and a massive disappointment that this is how it would all end. Not the end of this corrupt workplace, but the end of something that has haunted me for my entire life, feeling out of place on this beautiful and creative planet.
(This photo was taken outside my old workplace; it felt unfair, like this situation.)
What kind of blog is this again?
Don't worry, it's not about rants or me trying to deal with some emotional breakdown. Though I may speak from the heart and it can have a strong passionate tone, the goal here is to give you insight into honest, life-giving art and the artists behind it. Don't worry too much, if you get offended, take a deep breath and realize I meant no harm by it and my apology comes to you swiftly, but it's a blog, so enjoy it as much as you can.
As for the introduction paragraph, let me explain. Like many people around the world who were let go from their jobs or quit due to the pandemic, the hunt for work and rethinking of who you are and what you want to do with life pursued my mornings with annoying pressure. I was a Visual Designer for a couple of years and came to realize quickly that I was now left with a great chance to be reborn with my art career instead of film, which consumed a fun and great 15 years of my life, but I had no pieces of art that were my own. They were all this organization's now and though it can be used in a portfolio, it doesn't, describe me as an artist.
I guess you will find tutorials on how to do art, become encouraged, and most of my deepest thoughts about art and subjects of life that coincide. I thought recently what were the most fun times spent as a teacher for six years in S. Korea. Easily I am reminded of my kindergarten (유치원) where my kiddos and I were drawing goofy alphabet letters on a whiteboard and each student would brilliantly defy the rules and draw a strange body part or character. After the first kid, they all did it and were laughing all the way up to the board and back to their little spot on the floor. A whole class of 5-year-olds giggling like baby hyenas and I realized that they were being themselves at 110% and not purposely trying to anger, disappoint or harm me with their rebellious personalities, but seeing a blank canvas and projecting the joyful image engraved in their fresh and fragile minds so much that they need to attempt to draw it (it looks nothing like what they see in their mind I'm sure), but when they look at it, it is everything they wanted. No expectations, no rules, and no disappointment. So I went with it and we learned nothing of the English alphabet, but we all had a great laugh and lived a little.
Still doesn't explain anything.
There's a lot that's going into this blog and YouTube. Mostly a close-up of my life as an artist starting from scratch. Will this be entertaining? Nah, probably not if you are looking for it, but if you are looking to expand your mind with imaginative concepts and maybe learning to do some fun art along the way, then yeah, this will be crazy fun.
What kind of art will I learn?
That's the best part, I do it all. Not that I am good at any, but I will be exploring all mediums I can afford and hopefully interview some talented artists along the way. When people mention that you may need to have a niche skillset or business, they are wrong. Amazon sells virtually everything and they started out with books. In the same way with your art, you may start off with drawing Dragon Ball Z or some beautiful flower, but that doesn't mean you have seen or experienced the tremendous skill and art that you are capable of creating.
All things will take tons of practice, but we can shorten that time if you love doing it. So make sure if you are struggling or feel discouraged, take another deep breath and know I feel your burden. This is all part of becoming a master in the arts, failure, and truckloads of depression. It's because the deconstruction of your false reality has several layers and each one is something deep and difficult in your life. How does this happen, well I'm no scientist, but I believe we allow fear so much control over what we have created as measuring rods for success in our minds. It turns a subject that should be a positive achievement and twists it into a negative shame. No one tells you that your art sucks when you are drawing alone, but you can feel the pressure and failure even then. It's because you have seen or heard someone treat others unfairly or have been yourself, which you begin trusting those feelings.
Most artists I know are emotional, but that's a good thing. Emotional people are not bad. This is another thing that has been twisted negatively. Probably from reality TV and their casting strategy. Being someone who feels empathy, finds righteous anger, and or is burden with worry outside their control are all of us, and when art is created, it demands these emotions at their prime moments. That's when you get special and unique pieces.
I will often teach pen or inkwork since it is my favorite medium. But my actual day job of creating images, concept art, storyboards, murals, and merch is probably going to be the more fun stuff to watch and learn, but the ink is very important to me. I find Ink has a truth to it that no other medium has. With oils, acrylics, or anything else except pencil (even that's not identical ) they can be covered up or blended. With ink, it's black or whatever color you choose and a very "face the moment" art as each line is permanent. It forces you to pay attention and have precision. I believe oil is much harder, but as I mentioned before, I love ink.
But you don't have much of a portfolio.
Yeah, well a lot were destroyed by people and or lost over time. I use to give away my art, I loved seeing people receive something I created. Unfortunately, that means all my work is gone and I am starting from scratch. What you see is what I have collected or kept over the years. The newest piece is this "Native Sin" series that focuses on the tragic history Christianity has had on the world. I will be going through how to take a passionate belief and convert it into an art piece that is digestible. So there is a lot here, but try not to overwhelm yourself. If you enjoy my blogs and art, keep up to date because I will be releasing my art early sometimes for my supporters.
Next. we start this mural wall and practice on a small 5x5 plywood structure to figure out how to spraypaint and use acrylic outdoors.
The future is ahead of both of us and xo.chocolamb is here to walk along with you. My career in all this is so fresh that anything could happen, but I didn't want to do it alone. I have always been a very private artist and I think it's time to be revealed to all my friends and family and all you amazing people.
“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
― Bruce Lee
Know that its just a blog and lets all just have fun!